Confidence Unpacked

We all use the word confidence in everyday life, right? Confidence to act. Self-confidence. She’s a confident presenter or he’s a confident leader. It seems this attribute is so important in our everyday living, that without mastering it, we are going to struggle on this material plane. I agree.

Confidence is revered and everyone wants to feel and be confident. Yet, why do so many of us struggle with it? Why is the statement of “I am not good enough” or “I lack confidence” the number ONE issue with pretty much all of the western world? I certainly hear it every day in my coaching business. Do you think we are all just really incompetent? Or pathetic? Or have we, as humans, been infiltrated and tricked into believing we are NOT WHO we really are or can be? Has our societal conditioning pushed us into a place of always feeling lack, always feeling not good enough, and continually trying to prove we are worthy? Yes, indeed it has and let’s take a moment to reflect exactly how this evil trick has been playing us for centuries.

At birth we are injected with vaccinations to ensure we stay ‘safe’ and make it through our fragile youth. So, on day dot, we get the message loud and clear that we NEED something just to be capable of living here.

Then growing up we are told what we should or shouldn’t be doing. To be more polite. To work hard to achieve. To compete with others to be number 1. To get a good exam mark on all subjects, not just the ones you love. Then we are told to be quiet and some of us are told that boys are smarter than girls, or that white is better than black. We learn that some religions are corrupt and others are anti-God and therefore we shouldn’t be friends with those people. We also learn that some kids have less money and are poor and their parents aren’t very smart and do not earn a lot. Maybe stay away from them as trouble can ensue.

We aim to pass many tests in our teens; the dreaded driver’s license, school exams, height, and weight averages, sporting comps, debating, dance classes and more. We aim to try to be the best to get selected on the special soccer team or representative netball. We go into competitions and also start to compare our dress styles to others. Maybe the girls start wearing make-up to hide their pimples in disgrace or wear baggy clothes to hide their extra weight. Boys often need to fight in the playground to prove their masculinity.

If we make it through school to a university, we are then matched against a huge volume of other students fighting for credits and distinctions. If we do not make it to university or don’t want to, we opt for a lower-paid trade style job where people are forever overlooking and revering the white-collar roles like lawyers and doctors and PhD people.  If you write a book, you are legend material.

Then comes dating. Are you good enough to date? Pretty enough? Handsome enough? Are you good in bed? Do you have a groovy Instagram account? Can you surf? Do you have enough Facebook fans or followers? Do you hang out in the cool crowd?

Ouch, and then comes serious stuff like finances and marriage. Are you the girl left on the shelf or the whoring bachelor that cannot commit? Perhaps you don’t have kids or don’t want them or can’t and people wonder why. Is she infertile? Is he sterile? Why haven’t they got married yet?  Is he gay? They haven’t purchased a house yet and they are nearing 40 years old. Can’t they manage money?  Oh, did you hear he lost his job? He must not be cutting it anymore.

And I am not even going to mention history. Female rights. Unequal pay for women or black people or what was done to our precious indigenous people because some westerners thought their spiritual connection to the land was silly and unevolved and therefore, they needed to be ruled and corrected. They didn’t even trust them to raise their OWN children, so they stole them to supposedly give them a better future. I can’t go there. It’s too sad.

And then there are people that did get raised by their biological parents and they were abusive, so you copped the brunt of societal programming PLUS the rage or emotional messes of your parent or parents. Double whammy for those that survive that one, I think you are legendary! Picking yourself up from an inside and outside job of programming, that’s a serious talent.

So, why the long negative ramble? It’s to show us where our LACK OF CONFIDENCE comes from. We didn’t just make this shit up. Our constant fear that we are doing something wrong. That our efforts are not valuable. That we need to fix, correct, and be better. This programming affects us all in different ways. We all have hangovers of confidence issues somewhere in there. Some are just better at hiding it or have done a HUGE amount of inner work to get back to point zero.

What is the answer? To me, it is a method or process of UN-BECOMING. Reversing these strange expectations on who you think you should be PLUS what other people think you should be. To start trusting that where you are at and what you want is real and right… for you. Right now. To love ‘what is’ about yourself. To realise that you are SOURCE energy. That alone gives you a right to be here. You are breathing. You are a Spirit and you can create and intend whatever you want. Dream up whatever you want. And that no dream you have is stupid or corrupt or wrong. We need to review everything we THINK we want… and go back to the beginning. What is in our hearts and what brings us joy?

For a very, very small % of the population, that Ferrari might be right. Yet for 99.99% of the rest of us, that status-oriented car has ZERO relevance for us. We are just taught it should matter. Nor does that 70 hours per week CEO role always suit us, even though we are taught that is the path to success as well.

Our true and authentic confidence needs to arise from first KNOWING what we actually want (ex the programming) and then COURAGEOUSLY following that path and never giving up on ourselves.

I might suggest you find comrades and tribes of people also following that path for no other reason than it is so much more fun to run alongside a fellow native that holds the same values dearly as you. We are not designed to run a solo race.

Confidence is about trusting and relying on yourself to do what needs to be done at your HEART level. To fall in love with your dreams no matter what society says you should do. Confidence means FEEDING what you are great at and letting go what drains you OR doesn’t resonate with you. It certainly doesn’t mean driving ahead doing a task you hate or suck at, or just don’t get. Leave that for the lovers of those tasks. I thank my accountant every day for enjoying those revolting number crunching exercises that he has to do each year.

I even looked up the dictionary definition of Confidence and here it is, written in black and white staring at me and right under our noses…

Confidence is “the feeling or belief that one can have faith in or rely on someone or something.”

Yes, I agree, it is about having FAITH in myself (to trust myself) to follow my dreams and my passions – without all of that programming fighting with me.

So, if I need to rely on myself, then I had better start with the first question as we already raised above.

1. What is it that I WANT? (It may not be what your family, friends or colleagues want)

Followed by…

2. What do I need to resolve within me (my silly programming) that is telling me I either Cannot get it or Shouldn’t get it?

That brings me back to CREATION energy. I need to trust my FULL and REAL power as a CREATOR being. That source energy that lives within me. Because if I don’t tune into and revere that superpower… then I have to fall back on the societal expectations to define me and hold me. And they are flawed as we said above, society spends years telling you, you ain’t good enough. I cannot possibly rely on that flawed model.

Back to SOURCE. Back to ME. Confidence is simply a matter of tuning into and contacting your primary source energy and with that superpower on board… the only thing left to do is ask it to help you undo all of that ugly and screwed up programming…  

C’mon Spirit Creator Being. It’s time we danced. I trust you.